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Thank You for NICU Nurses

I see Your Hand in their hands

Even as they pull on gloves

       The endless blue snap

I see Your care in their care

       The gentle touch

       The scooping of her head

       The stroking of her hair.


I hear Your Voice in their voices

       The softness of tone

       The kindness of instructions

       The firm assurance of knowledge

       The sweetness of empathy.


I see Your smile in their smiles

       Always welcoming

       Never wavering in their task

       Never giving up on my child.


God, in this early morning,

Before the light,

During the long shift of night,

I wake

And I thank You

For NICU nurses.

When My Husband Must Go

Our child at home needs us

Only one of us can go

My husband, my rock, my encourager - 

            he goes.

I weep hysterically

            No heroics here

I am dissolved

            Things just get worse

The further along we go.

I cannot sleep

            My brain will not rest

My strong embrace

            My wheelchair-pusher

My it-will-be-ok speaker

is gone.


Twenty minutes by car

May well be oceans away.


And I am tossed by the wind

Every which way

Surrounded by dark, billowing clouds

Waves crashing on every side

The roar fills my ears

And I am undone. 

I sink. 



The lifeboat arrives. 

I feel the prayers of friends

As they gradually lift



                        me up.

And as I float on top of the waves

See the clouds and foaming dark walls

Watch lightning flash on the horizon

            But it highlights who stands at the helm:

The Captain.

            Confident, calm.

            Assurance on His ageless face.

            Compassion resting on His brow.

He guides the boat tirelessly

            And He has come to my aid.

When He gently pulls me onto the ship

I see the invitation in His eyes:

            “Trust me, beloved?”

And I remember

The One who is more than my dear husband

The One who died to give me life

The One who created my baby girl

            The oceans

            The sky

            The galaxies:

He is here with me.


I take big gulping breaths.

I look at the towering waves

Then I make my choice

Stare back into His eyes - 


Yes, I will trust. 

Without him, I will drown.

What good is a drowned mom?

I will take His Hand

I will recite His words of love

I will tell myself the truth

            When I eat

            When I nurse

            When I pump

            When I hold her

            When I lie down

My Captain is here

My Creator is Lord

My God is faithful.

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